Take A Look Outside

November 2, 2015


IMG_1140I’m a walking zombie a lot of the time but I’m a happy one. As I get deeper into motherhood I see how one loses one’s self into it. I was fighting so hard at the beginning to “retain my identity” and now that isn’t so important in the same way. Now I see it as a temporary state, this full emersion as the mother of a baby.

My mother recently told me how she remembered my first full day of school. After dropping me off and returning home she thought, “Oh, I have a full day alone. I”ll listen to music now. Now, I’ll make something to eat. Well, what do I do now?”

I try to remember the things I would see her doing as I grew up. There were crafts, International Wive’s Clubs (charity organizations when we lived overseas), volunteering at my school, sewing costumes for us, making all of our lunches, taking us shopping for school supplies and driving us everywhere. 

I never heard her say anything about, “What about me? I need my identity. I need my career.” It wasn’t for lack of ambition or intelligence. She quietly did all the house chores herself, never asked for recognition and laughed often, telling us that no one was going to make us happy, that it was up to ourselves. 

I’m going to soak it all up, mothering my little one. These days will be gone someday. I’m still here.

  • Yes! What a beautiful post.
    I think there is this societal pressure to “retain our identity”, to distance ourselves from the fact that we are mothers and just hold on tight to whatever we cared about before. It’s this idea that if we embrace being parents wholeheartedly, we are somehow turning out back to our true selves – which is, let’s face it, complete and utter nonsense. The truth is that being a mom can and should be included as part of your identity; it’s not an unshakable, untouchable, unchangeable absolute! It’s who we are and what’s important to us, and when we have children, our priorities often shift – and why shouldn’t they? We’ve discovered something bigger than ourselves. That doesn’t mean there is no space for other things 😉

    Sorry, stepping off my soap box now. I guess I have just become a little sensitive to this idea we are constantly bombarded with.

    Hugs Christina! Your blog is as beautiful and inspiring as always.

    • Thank you for this, Elisa! Yes, I feel like my grandmother was “allowed” to be a homemaker. Even my mother. For me though, so many people have been shocked that I’m staying at home instead of going back to work. It’s a difficult decision but as time goes on, I know it’s the right one. I have to release myself from the expectations of others. It’s always a process. Hugs back to you, friend!

  • Jessica

    Your little one is so adorable and your post is very insightful and beautifully written.

    • That is so kind of you, Jessica. There isn’t much time to do things but there is a lot of time to think little thoughts nowadays. ????

  • The best perspective!