“Things you don’t know about me” has been trending on Facebook lately and one of my favorite bloggers is running an FAQ video series. You have those questions that people seem to ask you all the time. Something about what you do or who you are or how you look gets people curious about something. Many people (women) ask me to tell them how I met my husband, Chris. What a sweet question that I LOVE to answer. The usual, quaint, brief story I give is:
Our mutual friends, Isaac and Stephanie set us up. Isaac and Chris were friends since middle school. Stephanie and I met in graduate school (acupuncture). Stephanie was always fond of Isaac’s friend, Chris. When we finally came together, it felt right from the start with a lot of laughing.
Often though, it seems like what the ladies are really asking is, “How did you attract the love of your life?” Since you are reading my blog I am going to get personal now.
One reason I feel both humble and confident about calling Chris “the love of my life” or my “perfect partner” is because I have been married before. The path that I had taken to him was a conscious path of reinvention, prayer and luck.
Very soon before I met Chris, my cheery, positive attitude about one day being with “the man of my dreams and having a family” fizzled to nothing and for two weeks there was a period of hopelessness (of love).
In those two weeks, I barely spoke to anyone other than people at work (my patients). I was so thankful to be wrapped up in their treatments and concerns. For hours after the workday, I sat and stared off into the distance and thought of nothing. Some people call this meditating. Others may call it COOKOO. After a few days of staring in the evenings, I switched into extreme OCD mode, organizing my life down to every little detail. My business was doing much better and I looked for a nicer place to live.
Once the ducks were in a row, I employed the help of some friends. I took up my friend Stephanie’s offer to tie on a prayer bracelet she had brought back from Brazil. You can read more about it here. I wanted to set the intention of attracting my mate. I wanted to let him know I was ready.
A 100 year old nun and patient at the clinic was always so kind to me. She was from an all-religion-inclusive type of church. She reminded me of nuns I knew growing up. I sincerely asked her if she would pray for me. “Write it down for me on a piece of paper,” she said. When she looked down at the paper, she looked up at me in surprise. “That’s what you want,” she asked in disbelief. “More than anything,” I said. Then I prayed. I wrote and I prayed some more. I wasn’t on any online dating sites. I didn’t take up any blind date offers. I stopped noticing who was in line at the deli. I was waiting for him to find me. When he found me, I knew he wouldn’t let me go.
I worked hard and my practice was doing so well. The friends I surrounded myself with were supportive examples. I spent time with my friends who were married, with children and role models to me.
There were hours a day dedicated to daydreaming and cultivating my best self.
I had reinvented myself. Instead of focusing on who Mr. Right was or daydreaming of being “saved” (gag and p.s. the “being saved” fantasy was a very brief period) I was becoming Mrs. Right. Manicured nails, self-confidence, a great work out regimen, self-supporting, cute condo by the beach and all the self-discipline of a lady. Does it sound like gloating? Well, I looked at it as hard work and focus. I was my best version of myself. The days of disappointment were over. It was only possible to attract a match, no one who didn’t make the cut. There was no “well, he’s nice and has a good job.”
I DID make the list for Mr. Right though. It was 11 pages long to be exact. I drew a “picture” of he and I on the white board of my fridge. He was in a nice biz casual outfit because he was a professional and he had really nice hair. I stood next to him with one leg bent in the air. I was kind of jumping up with happiness. He was steady and stood tall.
I knew he was on his way. I actually said aloud to Stephanie once the bracelet was on that he would come around within 2 months. Our courtship would be easy and we’d soon be romantically engaged then married. Then it happened. It was hilarious and it was perfect in the most unexpected but comfortable way.
(photo: Chris and I in front of St. Peter’s Basilica. Vatican City, Rome)