I’m a walking zombie a lot of the time but I’m a happy one. As I get deeper into motherhood I see how one loses one’s self into it. I was fighting so hard at the beginning to “retain my identity” and now that isn’t so important in the same way. Now I see it as a temporary state, this full emersion as the mother of a baby.
My mother recently told me how she remembered my first full day of school. After dropping me off and returning home she thought, “Oh, I have a full day alone. I”ll listen to music now. Now, I’ll make something to eat. Well, what do I do now?”
I try to remember the things I would see her doing as I grew up. There were crafts, International Wive’s Clubs (charity organizations when we lived overseas), volunteering at my school, sewing costumes for us, making all of our lunches, taking us shopping for school supplies and driving us everywhere.
I never heard her say anything about, “What about me? I need my identity. I need my career.” It wasn’t for lack of ambition or intelligence. She quietly did all the house chores herself, never asked for recognition and laughed often, telling us that no one was going to make us happy, that it was up to ourselves.
I’m going to soak it all up, mothering my little one. These days will be gone someday. I’m still here.
Social media, blogs, photos…They can seem so fake and posed. Well, a lot of the time they are. HA! When I look back at photos of my family, like this one (“posed” but really reading and I washed my hair), I see the beauty of my mind’s eye. In my head, every time I read to Grant, it feels like this warm, cuddly moment. I feel beautiful, everything is clean (maybe some food on his shirt). For me, it makes up for the 9.8/10 days I have a disheveled pony, bags under my eyes, Grant is teething and grouchy. So my obsession with photography and capturing everyone else’s most beautiful moments forever.
How do you recharge? Yesterday, I went to Target…by.my.self. It was glorious. I got an iced coffee and ran into someone I knew (for like 5 seconds) so I’ll add coffee date to that list. I put lots of things in my basket, walked around to areas multiple times and put most of the stuff back on the shelves. I checked my phone for Instagram decorating inspiration and web surfed. Even got a “look” from a salesperson that said, “This lady has been hovering in home decor for waay to long. Just buy that throw already, OK? It’s returnable. Gosh!” Ha!
Phew. It’s easy for me to talk myself outta doing something for myself. I’m going to make a commitment to doing more of this! Any tips?
There I was, eating an entire mini sheet cake, a jar of kimchi and there were weeks where I didn’t even think about coffee. Oh, I must be pregnant again…
Oh…HI!!! I’ve been nesting in our new home and adjusting to moving back to San Diego. I was a totally different person when I lived here last! It has been interesting reacquanting myself with my most favorite place on earth.
When I lived here before I was a busy acupuncturist, social butterfly and adventurer. Now I’m married with a 16 month old and I’m tired. HA!
In the past couple of months we’ve had houseguests, family gatherings, unpacking, San Diego-ing (zoo, hikes, burritos) and baby raising. The biggest source of stress for me has been whether or not to reopen my acupuncture practice. Many very nice patients and fellow colleagues have asked me and encouraged me to do so and I miss it very much.
The mental energy going toward contemplating this decision was actually very consuming. Then when I thought I may be pregnant a few weeks ago (I’m not- BTW) I got super excited about the idea of spending my days savoring mommy hood and preparing for growing the family.
There was my answer.
So, if you’re looking for a magic 8 ball type of answer to your burning questions, take some time to really daydream your most happiest outcome of a situation, no matter how impractical it may seem. Then GO for it! Please tell me what your contemplating!
So, I’m a full-time mom and a part-time photographer. I also hope to get back to regular weekly blog posts and Instagram is my new BFF.
Finally, the baby takes his afternoon nap and I lie down for the nap (later than normal) I had promised myself all day. The house is a gazillion degrees but that’s not why my eyes are wide open. The next thing I know, I hear Grant waking.
I am SO happy to be living in San Diego again and with that comes some unsureness (is that a word??) of how I will re-enter a world I have been away from for a little while. I. Have. Changed. Of course there have been changes here too…my favorite donut shop is WAY too popular and now there’s a line around the block. LOL. This donut line fascination made me lose my nap. 😉
I’m moving in, cooking, trying to see friends, working photography jobs and maintaining my acupuncture license with continuing education coursework. There are birthday parties, family events… Everyone is busy! I remind myself of that when I get the guilts about falling behind in keeping up with my family and friends.
There are a few little vegetable plants barely holding on here and what kid doesn’t love to pick a pretty red thing?
The past few weeks have been filled with packing, moving, a photo shoot, yada yada yada… I LOVE my blogging community and I’ve missed it here so much!!! We moved from Orange County to San Diegoooo!!! We had been talking about it for years and all of the sudden, within a matter of weeks, it happened.
The new place is so awesome. It’s smaller than our last place yet laid out so well so it seems larger. There is a nice open plan in the family room and cute little bedrooms. The light is so beautiful! The backyard is super private and we’re excited to have friends and family over.
I made like a thousand enchiladas (rice, beans, cheese, ground turkey, green salsa) and we eat them each night on paper plates.
I know, we have moved SO MANY TIMES in the past 3 years! HA!
Have you ever done something impulsive and a bit scary that turned out to be so crazily awesome? Hopefully every day. lol
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